March 4th, 2005

Common legend holds that the creator of the modern flush toilet was an Englishman by the name of John Crapper. Cult of the One Eyed Cat  

Weight of cake that said, in pink lettering, “Shit bitch, you is fine”: 10 lbs. (approximate) dirty fez  

What a man does with his Cyborgasmatrix Heat Melt Elastomer Gel Evaluation Torso in the privacy of his home is not specifically banned in Leviticus and is, therefore, his own business. Jesus’ General  

Please begin doing the Friday Dance now. Rude Cactus  

She’s a dirty little bitch! John McDermott  

On a scale of one to ten, Morrie doesn’t have a scale. He’s thrown it out. Fuck scales. Witt and Wisdom  

Study cable news in the coming months, if you can stand the stomach upset, and see how many segments are devoted to the emerging threat posed by Hezbollah, and what America must do to protect itself. James Wolcott